Putting Fluffy to Sleep is Somewhat A Problem
by Padfoot's Blondie
Summary: Hermione, Snape and Dumbledore all have different ways of trying to get through the trap door that lays underneath Fluffy's paw. Warning: stupidity and hilarity. Rated T cuz I feel like it.


**Enjoy! :)**

Harry, Ron, and Hermione rushed up the moving staircases to the third floor corridor door, gasping for breath as they shoved the door open. Sprinting down the hall, they noticed that the torches were already lit.

"Someone's been here before!" Ron screamed.

"No crap, smart pants!" Harry shot back, furious.

"Smart pants? Isn't it smart_y_ pants?" Hermione asked.

"Probably," Harry said.

They came to a stop at the door into the room were Fluffy was guarding the trap door.

"Look, it's the door that Fluffy's hiding behind!" Ron exclaimed. Harry slapped his forehead.

They opened the door and sprinted inside the room at top speed, skidding to a stop exactly three feet later.

They noticed that a harp was playing and that Fluffy was fast asleep. Seeing this, Hermione stamped her foot angrily.

"DAMNIT!" She roared. "I WANTED TO PRACTICE MY SINGING ABILITIES!" Harry and Ron looked at eachother.

"I guess we can make the harp stop playing so you can sing it to sleep if you really want us to," Harry said, trying to make everyone happy.

Hermione nodded enthusiastically, so Harry and Ron went over to the playing harp and held the strings so they couldn't make any noise.

Just as Fluffy began to wake up, Hermione opened her mouth and emitted what was perhaps the shrillest, most blood-curdling, cringe-inducing screech that probably anyone in the world had ever heard, ever.

When Hermione finally ran out of breath, she turned and looked expectantly at Harry and Ron, waiting for them to speak.

When they didn't offer anything, her expression turned uncertain. "Well?" She asked. "What did you think?"

Harry gulped and struggled not to pass out. "Uh, Hermione, I think Ron's facial expression says it all," He offered, trying to not completely crush Hermione's spirit.

Hermione turned to Ron to study his visage. It was possible that Ron's face had the most horrified, panicked, scandalized, offended look on it in the entire world.

Hermione took one look at his face and jumped up in the air. "Yay!" She yelled.

_I don't think I've ever seen something so misjudged in my entire life,_ Harry thought, mystified.

All of a sudden, a thought struck Harry. "Why isn't Fluffy mauling us to death? The music stopped, you know."

They all turned to look at Fluffy. Fluffy had died. 

"I wonder why he died," Hermione said.

"Probably because of your horrible…ly amazing singing!" Ron said, quickly changing his train of thought after he saw the look on Hermione's face rapidly changing from elated to menacing.

"ANYWAY," Harry shouted, hoping to dispel the fight that was thisclose from breaking out. "We should go through the trapdoor now. But we've got to move a paw first."

They all tried to move Fluffy's paw, but it wouldn't budge. After four full hours of trying to move Fluffy's paw, Ron stood up and rubbed his aching back muscles.

"ENOUGH OF THIS BLOODY MADNESS!" Ron yelled, whipping out his wand. Waving it furiously at the paw, a jet of red light shot out of his wand and exploded the paw.

They all stared at it with slight disinterest. "You can make a paw explode, yet you can't perform _wingardium levioosa_?" Hermione inquired incredulously.

"Hey, I did too! I saved your arse on Halloween from the troll!"

"No one remembers that, Ron."

"Hey! But-"

"No."

And they descended down into the trapdoor.

Twenty minutes later, Snape came rushing down the third corridor and ran through the door. He noticed that Fluffy was dead.

"What…?" He asked. "What happened here?" He asked no one in particular.

"Fluffy's dead because Hermione Granger's ghastly singing killed it. And then they descended into the fiery depths of hell, " Remus Lupin remarked, stepping creepily out of the shadows.

"Lupin, the werewolf," Snape said disdainfully, before confusion dawned on his face. "But you're not supposed to be here! You don't even come into the series for another two books!"

Lupin shrugged. Snape let it go.

"ARGH!" Snape accidentally waved his wand and the rest of Fluffy promptly blew up.

"Ha! You just pulled a Seamus Finnegan!" Lupin said, pointing and laughing at Snape, who was holding his wand, stunned with a sooty face and crazy hair.

"How did you know Seamus Finnegan has a habit of doing that?" Snape asked.

"Uh…" Lupin shifted his eyes quickly from side to side and quickly whipped out his wand and shouted "_Rictumsempra!"_

As Snape broke into fits of laughter, Lupin fled out the door.

Minutes later, Dumbledore walked into the room, looking slightly lost.

"Dumbles!" Snape gasped through his laughter. "Cast the counter curse!"

However, Dumbledore just walked right past him and jumped down the trapdoor. A faint "_Yipee!_" was heard from the opening.

Snape sighed, and began laughing again as the curse hit him again. It was going to be a long night… At least Slytherin was going to win the House Cup!

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